Animal Jokes/Puns

But aardvarks are the least dangerous creatures; everyone knows aardvark never killed anyone!

 

Songs for swinging rodents:

Oh soldier, soldier, won't you marry me?
With your muskrat, fife, and drum?

 

Who needs the sable ?
The sand cat !

 

What do you call a rail with deformed legs?

A bandy coot

 

Which jawless fish wrote books?

Agnathan Christie

 

Who was the most dangerous character in 'The Jungle Book'?

Baloo - he had the right to bear arms

 

Which war film do beavers dislike?

The Dambusters

 

Which jawless chordate starred in Dallas?

Larry Hagfish

 

Why do some people risk death if they prise open crates?

If they can't distinguish crowbars from cobras

 

Which butterflies fly upside down?

Inverted commas

 

What are royalist rodents singing today?

God save our queen mole rat

 

What are royalist insects singing today?

God save our queen termite

Or God save our queen wood ant

 

Why are squirrel monkeys the only cebid monkeys allowed in the coffee bar?

Capuchin? No!

 

Why were pit vipers banned from the coffee bar?

Because of their mocha sins

 

What does a tapeworm drink in a coffee bar?

A flat white

 

What is the favourite Jerry Lee Lewis song for rails?

Goodness, Gracious, Crake Balls of Fire

 

Why can't you only see some herons more than once?

Once bittern. Twice shy

 

Why didn't the waterbuck realise that its mail had arrived?

It was as defassa post

 

I doubt if any Zoochatter has seen if a queen bee chooses her suitor, but some of you have seen a royal ant elope.

 

Which beetle did motorbike stunts?

Evel Kweevil