The Bible According to Kids (Humour) This list/variations of this list have appeared in various books and websites including this one: The Bible According to Kids – In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. – Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. – Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears. – Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. – The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. – Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. – Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. – Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. – The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. – Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments. – The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. – The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery". – Moses died before he ever reached Canada. – Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. – The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. – David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. – Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. – When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. – Then the three Wise Guys from the east arrived and found Jesus in the manager. – Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption. – St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head. – Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says do one to others before they do one to you. – He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat alone". – It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. – The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles. – The epistles were the wives of the apostles. – One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. – St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached the holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. – A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
